grafted in and fragmented thoughts

I have found that since the Holy Lands, I am a lot less nervous about, well--everything. Being on a trip where 45 people get to see the REALLY good side of you (all by the grace of God) and the REALLY bad side of you (broken, broken nature) and still love you at the end is a sort of miracle. A miracle with a serious side effect: you lose your fear.

While realizing that people really did like ME, I also realized something very healthy--I ultimately can't be rejected by anyone, because my worth doesn't sit with them.

It's easy at a job like this to worry about being rejected at every turn. Will I not exegete this passage right? Can I get this to a level that a 14 year old will understand? What did I understand when I was 14? Drew helps me bring it back down when I get a little too abstract (as I tend to). I'm more poetry than prose, more head in the clouds than feet on the ground, more grey and less black or white. But it's how I was made, and God is showing me that how I was made MATTERS. It matters because I see the world in a way no one else does, and God lives through me in a different way than He lives through anyone else.

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I wasn't nervous today when I went to the prayer meeting with the whole staff--half of whom I hadn't met. Some guy I didn't even know knew my name and introduced me to everyone, which felt so welcoming and any fear that I did have just left me at that moment. I didn't have to say much during the meeting, and when we broke into smaller groups to pray, it was like I had known those people forever. I feel like they've grafted me in to the big vision that is Eastview and the Kingdom work there. It makes me think I really might want to work in a church, specifically as a counselor, which is the direction I'm heading. God has jut really been reaffirming me in that lately. It's an encouragement.

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Today we had a meeting for BFT (Big Fun Thing), which is one Sunday every year that is essentially an outreach event for high schoolers- ultimately a Wacky Olympics. We were throwing around ideas, laughing so hard we were crying, when I suddenly realized I was being set up to be the MC of the whole event. That's right--ME, Claire Taulbee, on a mic in front of 400 crazy high schoolers for an hour.

I kid you not, 8 weeks ago I would have thrown up at the thought of it.
Today? Kind of excited.

God's changing me.