attraction.

I love these people here at Eastview because they show me different sides of who God is.

I found this out about myself in the Holy Lands--I am attracted to people because of the way that they express who God is, or rather, the way that God expresses himself through their skin. Sometimes I'm not sure I can fully explain it, but my affection for someone increases when I just see God flowing through them- an act that can only be done by God's grace, which is any sort of kindness or loveliness or patience, things that are just outside of our broken human natures.

The same goes for myself. I am more attracted to the person I am and the person I'm becoming, more excited about who Claire is...when I know the Holy Spirit is moving by me and around me-- God choosing to use me (by no merit or ability of my own!) as his vessel to bring His truth or His light into someone else's life.

Even as I'm typing this, I'm aware that these realizations run so deep in me and are connected to so many other things, even this very moment--and I know it will never be made clear with words. But what I mean to say, at least in part, is that my whole life I have been drawn to people, not ultimately because of their level of physical attractiveness or skill, but because I see some way that God is God through them that He isn't through someone else.
I am not drawn to a person because they are being themselves, I am drawn to a person because they are being LIKE GOD.

My hope was always that people would like ME because they see the parts of me that are cool, or fun, or talented. Now my desire is that they would like me, be attracted to me, invest in me, because they see a side of God in me that they want to be around, that He has chosen to express through my skin--what a glorious gift!
God is not in the business of getting rid of my personality to make me a "holy clone," he works through the way HE made me and shows himself. What freedom! What redemption!

Oh, God, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.